DS4HWC: “Eloquence in Talking Dirty” by E.C. Seeds

I was new to the program, having just arrived in San Jose, Costa Rica, for my three month study-abroad experience the week before. To help facilitate group bonding, the company who sent me abroad set us up in a beautiful hotel beachside in Playa Tamarindo. My roommate Andrew, a five foot six Jewish guy with cornrows who made his living off of break-dancing and presumably selling himself for (very little) money, had opted to switch out of my room so he and another professional dancer could have a 4-some with some Costa Ricans they had met early in the trip. I was left to room with a frat-star named Chris whose catch phrase was “go cocks!” (of South Carolina).
The first day we were there, I gathered a group to play beach soccer, and 5 minutes into the game had managed to concuss myself. Sadly—although fortuitously for this story—I was thus unable to join the group in any beach-side raging that night, deciding, instead, to try and sleep it off (the right decision for concussions, ask any specialist).
One o’clock rolls around, and I awake to hear someone pounding on my door. After a few minutes of persistent banging (less persistent than what would come later) I finally opened it to find Chris and another girl from our program, Jill, initiating coitus in the hall. They dove past me and onto the bed I had been sleeping in and continued where they left off. Still concussed, I took the other bed in defeat.
Commence dirty talking…and after a few minutes Jill forgot I was there and began projecting loudly to her captive and unwilling audience, me. Everything was going smoothly until I hear her say: “Chris, I love you!!!”
To which he responded with the loudest and stillest silence I’ve ever had the great fortune not to hear… and I lost it. I ran out in a fit of laughter, but as I left I heard Chris respond in the only fitting way: “don’t you ever say that shit to me again, or ill slap you right in your ear.”
They have been dating ever since.